He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So many bounce houses so little time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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