Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
