don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
