you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
