I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
