just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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