If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
