From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
