arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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