He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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