All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
