dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
