Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
