Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
