I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
