I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
