She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize