I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
