Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
