did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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