A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
