Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
