we have officially lost it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
