I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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