Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
