The maid of honor just puked.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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