I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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