Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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