He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
