thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
