I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
