Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Randomize