she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
