He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can i not drive my cunt home
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
