I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
