I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
