Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
