there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
