I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
40s are totally the cure
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
