I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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