I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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