Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize