I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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