there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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