remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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