I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
