Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
