ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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