no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
