Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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