my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
