You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
