pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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