is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
