Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
