Can Purell be used as lube?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
