Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
