Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
