He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
