I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
