and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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