She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
