Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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