guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
