Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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