I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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