I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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